Bowen Buchbinder Vilensky

Archive for June, 2014

You’ve Told Him It’s Over… Now What?
Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

By Patricia Schrape, Associate at Bowen Buchbinder Vilensky Lawyers

25 June 2014

Whether it comes out of the blue for one of you, or you’ve both been avoiding the elephant in the room that is your broken relationship for months or years on end, the moment when it is finally acknowledged that the end is here can be a mighty big relief.

But what to do to extricate two separate lives from one which has been forged jointly?

If you haven’t done so prior, you should strongly consider getting confidential legal advice from an experienced family lawyer. Seeing a lawyer doesn’t mean you are committed to anything, and in most cases should be able to provide you with a good idea of what is ahead of you and what your rights and entitlements may be.

Obviously every couple have factors which will be more or less pressing, and the degree of animosity will determine how urgently action needs to be taken, but below are some things to keep in mind:

Finances/Property

  1. Think about joint bank or share trading accounts – if things are amicable, perhaps a broad discussion about usage will suffice. If there are accounts with significant funds, consider changing them so that both signatures are required to transact. Also consider each of you having your salary paid into accounts in your sole names, a first step towards practical financial independence;
  2. If you are living under the same roof for the time being, think about setting up a PO Box for your personal mail. If you’re moving out, be sure to redirect all of your mail;
  3. If you have a prolific online presence, be sure to change all of your passwords, even if you think your significant other doesn’t know them;
  4. Same with pin numbers for bank and credit cards;
  5. Cancel secondary credit cards if you suspect a vindictive shopping spree may be on the horizon. If possible, give a little notice before doing so to avoid their experiencing the embarrassment of a refused transaction and that embarrassment turning into wrath towards you;
  6. Change your Will to reflect your new circumstances, keeping in mind that unless the Will is drafted ‘in contemplation of a divorce’,  a Divorce Order will invalidate it;
  7. Contact your superannuation fund to change the nominated beneficiary for your super – superannuation does not form part of a deceased estate, so your Will can’t deal with it;
  8. Once your financial and property division has been agreed, be sure to have it legally documented so that all loose ends are tied up and everything is properly finalised. This can be done via Family Court Consent Orders or a Binding Financial Agreement.

Parenting

If you and your partner have children, this often introduces a whole other kind of complexity to the end of your relationship.

It is in everyone’s best interest to present a united front to the children, being supportive of them and each other as parents whilst you guide them through what will invariably be a big change in their lives. Try to agree with your partner on a routine, and stick to it.

Sometimes, however good the intentions, issues arise in relation to children.

There are numerous private and government agencies who provide counselling, mediation services and other helpful programs.

If things regarding the children look like they may become contentious, try to keep a record of arrangements – who they’re spending time with and for how long etc. In stressful times such as these, memory often falters.

Should the situation deteriorate, lawyers can assist in negotiating arrangements, and if necessary bring proceedings in the Family Court.

If the arrangements for the children are agreed, be sure to write them down clearly and concisely, so everyone is on the same page. You should seriously consider getting Family Court Consent Orders, which provide much greater certainty.

A final note on Facebook and social media. As much as your hundreds of friends and followers may happily provide support to you in this difficult time, it is usually best to stop altogether, or carefully limit usage. A tipsy posting about an estranged partner can all too easily get back to them and cause all manner of grief.

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Bowen Buchbinder Vilensky’s team of family lawyers is comprised of Partner Damien Bowen, Senior Associates Catriona Kilgallon and Sam Fahey, Associate Patricia Schrape and Solicitors Vince Bradley and Anna Westphal. You are welcome to telephone to make an appointment with any one of us.